RANDOM THEORY: Bad Customer Service Is The Root Of All Evil

I have a theory about violence in America. If someone did a comprehensive study on the underlying triggers of random violence, they would find that 60 percent of people who snap and knock the hell out of strangers for no apparent reason had been victims themselves earlier that day - victims of bad customer service.


That's right! I believe that there is a direct link between bad customer service and random violence. I'm not talking about attacks against the actual cashiers, bank tellers, bill collectors, store clerks or fast food employees who are routinely rude to customers. I'm talking about the ripple effect of ill-will bad customer service can cause. It's the anti-thesis of the do-good version of "Paying It Forward."

In my opinion, bad customer service is among the most serious threats to society. So when we are addressing violence in our communities (HELL, in America), let's take a closer look at cashiers, sales people and other people who take customer service jobs but clearly hate people.

How many times have you been treated rudely by a cashier, disregarded by a salesperson or belittled by a bill collector and turned around and cursed out the very next person you encountered? One sales person with a stank attitude can have us bitching about it to our family, friends and anyone else who will listen for two or three weeks and then again at the family reunion. People who are a little less stable and have latent violent tendencies anyway take their frustration to the next level and end up on the news.

So, you ask, why are random acts of violence more prevalent in the "hood"? We always hear about gangs, guns and poverty, but criminologists always overlook one very important factor. Customer service is worse in the hood. I first noticed this phenomenon while working in the suburbs and living on the south side of Chicago. Don't take my word for it though. You can test this theory yourself.

Go to a popular fast food restaurant in the best neighborhood in your city. It's the one that the mayor sends all of the city cleanup crews to first after a holiday weekend. Let's make it interesting: use the drive-thru during the dinner rush! Note the prompt service, the friendly smile and the "Have a nice day!" you receive when you drive away in mere moments with the exact items you ordered. Go ahead and touch your food. Piping hot, right? Taste it. Let me guess - juicy meat fresh from the grill? Crispy lettuce? Thought so.

Now the next day, go to that same company's restaurant in the "hood". You know the side of town that stays on the news? To be fair, go to the drive-thru at the same time of day. Pay close attention to how many songs play on your radio while you wait in a long line of cars. When you finally reach the speaker, note the suicidal tone of the drive-thru employee. Count the number of times you have to repeat your order. Were you thanked? Check your order, is it right? Touch your food. Cold fries? Limp lettuce? Yep.

Here's the important part: Do you want to slap the crap out of somebody? Case closed!

Has Technology Made Being Rude Easier?

We've all done it. Your cell phone rings and for whatever reason you look at the caller I.D. and hit IGNORE. Maybe it's a sibling who always wants to "hold" some of your money. Or your drama queen friend with the trifling boyfriend who always wants you to be her stalking accomplice. Or maybe it's that chick you gave your digits to before you realized that she was 50% crazy.

As much as the advent of mobile phones, text messaging, instant messaging and email has made it easier for us to stay in constant contact. It has also given us the freedom to avoid people at will. I may be dating myself, but I remember the days when there were no mobile phones. When your home phone rang, there was no way of knowing who was on the other line. If you didn't answer the phone, you would never know.

There was no voicemail, no answering machine, no Caller I.D and no cell phones. It's hard to imagine now. But in those days, if someone called who you didn't want to talk to, you had to find a way to politely excuse yourself from the phone. If you owed them money, you had to tell them to call back after pay day or disguise your voice and pretend you weren't home.

As with everything, however, there are pros and cons to the new freedom to avoid people that technology brings. In most cases, I don't think there's anything wrong with "getting little" when the need arises. It gives us greater control over who we associate with. No one has the right to hijack our kicking it time or suck up our minutes with B.S.

On the other hand, it's not always appropriate to blow people off - especially in business, where reputation, straight forwardness and relationship building are valued. As a business owner, I've seen it a lot. When people realize that you aren't going to let them work you like a one-legged dog for free, that same potential client who was blowing up your cell phone two days before suddenly is harder to find then Bin Laden.

It's bad business and just rude. Business 101: You just never know when you will need that person again and everyone should be considered a resource. I'd rather someone be upfront and say, "I've decided to go another way" or "Is that negotiable?" Or what is probably the truth in most cases, "I just ain't got it, Dog." It might not be the easy thing to do, but it's respectable and takes more balls than hitting IGNORE.

Bad Mother Behavior

Let me start by saying I love my daughter. She’s 10 years old, funny, warm and amazing (not that I'm biased.) However, she follows me around constantly asking questions. I think her first words were in the form of a question. It drives me insane. One day last week, I found myself hiding from her in the bathroom just to get break from the questions. Within two minutes she was knocking at the door saying, “Momma, what are you doing in there?” I had reached my limit and snapped, “Please, just leave me alone for a minute. Give me some air.”

My daughter looked wounded and retreated to her room. I felt that immediate mommy guilt that we all feel when we lose our cool. That guilt that convinces us that one bad conversation can send our daughters to the nearest stripper pole and can have our sons sucking on the closest crack pipe.

The next day, I was waiting for my food at a local fast food restaurant. The cutest little boy you could ever see was desperately trying to get his very young mother’s attention to ask her a question. When she finished placing her order, the mother yanked the snot out of the little boy who was barely old enough to walk. She bent to yell in his face, “Shut up. You’re getting on my fuckin' nerves, you little bastard.” She slammed the toddler into a nearby chair and said, “Now, stay there and be still before I kick your little ass.” The little boy didn’t make a sound or move a muscle which made me think that he knew she wasn't making an idle threat.

Everyone in the small waiting area looked uncomfortable. I stood there feeling impotent. I wanted to say, “If he’s a bastard, it’s your fault.” But I knew that anything I said would have ended with me choking her around the neck in front of her son. That wouldn’t have been good for anyone.

My heart hurt for that little boy and I thought about him all day. What would he be like after being treated that way for five more years? What about 10 years? Who would he be at age 20? Would he rise above it and become a strong, wonderful young man? Or would he be like the other young men I see walking the streets aimlessly with no direction and little regard for the future? I wondered if his mother had been treated that way by her mother. Or is she just simply too young to know what being a real mother means?

Later that evening my daughter once again was getting on my nerves with a barrage of questions. I told her, “Girl, you don’t know how good you have it. Now, get out of my face.” Just kidding. I took a deep breath and counted to 10. Then counted to 20 and answered her question. After all, that’s what real mothers do.

Men Behaving Badly

Its summer time and that brings out all kinds of ridiculously rude behavior. The more people are out on the streets, the more opportunities to act a damn fool – men especially. Summer only lasts about four minutes in Chicago, so I have to hurry up and address some of the most egregiously rude behavior exhibited by the male species.

Here are few tips for MEN to help them avoid being ignorant and disrespectful this summer:

1. Stop trying to ‘holla’ at women from passing cars (even worse from the bus stop.) Does this really work on anyone? If a woman responds to this ignorance, you don’t want her any.

2. Stop holding up traffic to do it. This is a double dose of ignorance. Your horny-ness should not inconvenience other drivers!

3. Realize that every female in booty shorts and belly shirts is not legal. In fact, these days most are not. There is nothing more pathetic than watching grown men harass these little hot-tail girls whose only summer jobs appear to be walking up and down busy streets half-naked looking for suckers to buy their cheap clothes. Unless you want to catch a case – criminal or VD – leave them alone.

4. Young boys - stop saying “Age doesn’t matter, baby” when you approach a grown woman with your immature foolishness. No woman with any sense is trying to be bothered with little boys who can’t even pull up their pants and who wear the same colored beads on their (yuck) braids as their seven-year-old daughter.

5. By the way, men. Stop wearing beads on braids. Not Sexy!

6. If a woman gives you the tight-lipped “Hi” with no eye contact when you approach, move along. She’s not interested!

7. Looking a woman up and down, grunting or making a lewd comment is not a compliment. It’s rude. Stop it!

8. If you do approach us, do not touch us in any way. No calculated bumps. No arm strokes. No hand grabbing. No touching! PERIOD.

9. Last but definitely not least: DO NOT TRY TO MACK US DOWN IN FRONT OF OUR CHILDREN! It’s so not OK!

10. The final tip is for women: Don’t respond to any of this foolishness! You make it hard for the rest of us who have some damned sense.

Ladies, did I leave anything off the list? Men, does this behavior actually work?

RUDE NEWS: Smoking Woman Acts A Fool On Plane & Faces 20 Years

A New York woman (who apparently has been living under rock somewhere) got drunk on a flight to San Francisco, lit up a cigarette and punched a male flight attendant. Her shenanigans forced the pilot to make an unscheduled stop in Denver to have her carted off to jail. She's now facing 20 years in prison and a $250,000 fine.

They should sentence her ignorant butt to an ass whipping by her fellow passengers, who were forced to smell her noxious cigarette smoke, listen to her racist tirades and be inconvenienced by the two-hour delay she caused. Just like the classic comedy movie "Airplane", everyone who was on the flight should be able to line up outside the courthouse for a chance to get a piece of that rude, ridiculous fool. I'd go old school and bring a "switch" just like my grandma used. (That's a thin, flexible tree branch with a mean ricochet effect, for you Time-Out Tots.)

What would you bring to the Ass-whipping Party?

Hell's Kitchen: Deliciously Rude

RUDE REALITY: "Hell's Kitchen" is arguably the rudest show on television. Call me a hypocrite but I can't get enough of it. I'm not as fascinated with Chef Gordon Ramsey who, despite going out of his way to be abusive, actually is more funny to me than intimidating. (I've heard more menacing expletive-filled rants from my grandmother who I love dearly.) I am far more intrigued by the culinary lab rats who sign up each season to be humiliated over hot stoves on national television. I'm fascinated by the human drama that ensues when people throw their dignity and morals out of the window for a little slice of fame and a chance for a head chef job at one of Ramsey's restaurants.

I must admit I naturally was rooting for the sistah, Jen, to win. But that was weeks ago before she started shaming the sistahood by lying repeatedly and throwing everyone - even the lone brotha, Bobby - under the bus at every stop. She was sent home last night and I couldn't feel bad because any self-respecting sistah knows damn well "God don't like ugly." Plus her voice bugged me and her attitude was setting us back. I would have had more respect for her if she had followed the stereotype and cursed Chef Ramsey out whenever he called her stupid, lazy and slow. That would have seemed less slimy.

The show will probably lack most of its flavor for me now that Lying Jen and Brotha Bobby are both gone. The entire premise of the show makes me have to ask you though. Sure, we curse people out and are even ready to throw some 'bows when confronted by blatant rudeness and ignorance on the street, in the club and even at Thanksgiving dinner. How much are you willing to dish out or swallow for fast fame and a plump paycheck?

RUDE NEWS: Rude Behavior Backfires on Bitchy Bank Manager

Today's RUDE NEWS made me laugh out loud. One woman's rudeness may land her in a nice, cozy jail cell. According to a report from The Daily News Transcript, excessive customer complaints led bank officials to review office manager Elizabeth Starkey's performance. They found more than a case of permanent PMS. Turns out when she wasn't being horribly rude to the credit union members, Looting Liz (as I like to call her) allegedly helped herself to more than $40,000 in bank funds. That's substantial considering she only held the job for six months. Now she's facing up to 30 years in prison followed by 5 years supervised release and a $1 million fine.

Does this show a direct link between overtly rude behavior and criminal tendencies? Or are rude people just stupid? I'm no criminal but I'd like to think that if I was going to embezzle money from my job, I would be smart enough not draw attention to myself by being a raging Bitch to customers! I wonder if Looting Liz will have trouble bonding with her new roommates in Cell Block D. Check out the full story here!

The War on Car Stereo Terrorism Rages On!

Prince’s sensual love song “Adore” is one of my favorite tunes of all time. However, when I was rudely awakened before the butt-crack of dawn today, I found that the Purple One was not giving a private concert in my bedroom wearing cheek-less leather pants as it seemed. In fact, the song was being blasted from the grossly oversized stereo speakers of a passing car. Prince was followed by an equally inconsiderate procession of driver’s blasting Alicia Keyes, the newly acquitted R. Kelly, a smattering of House music and random rap songs with bone-jarring beats. I was understandably furious.

It’s not that the drivers have bad taste in music. I - who am probably the only 30-something, black woman who might listen to vintage Nat King Cole, angry Alanis Morissette and soulful Jill Scott followed by some old-school Salt-N-Pepa on any given trip to Target - am not one to judge. However unless I’m in a nightclub shaking my ass on a dance floor, I don’t want to hear anybody’s music at 3 a.m. – even classic baby-making Prince! I might be wrong but I don’t think a good night’s sleep is too much to ask when I am paying a mortgage that literally has me coughing up blood on the first of each month.

I’m truly not a hateful person, but I absolutely despise ignorant people who drive through residential neighborhoods with their car stereos on blast. It’s just plain ridiculous and rude. So tonight or I should say this morning, I made a solemn vow not to just send murderous thoughts to the offenders or rain curses down on the heads of their children and children’s children using some of the most vile language of which I am capable. I had to do something!

So I stumbled bleary-eyed to my computer to do quick-and-dirty internet research on the topic. I immediately found tons of information on the extreme hearing loss that the obnoxious sound levels cause the drivers and their passengers. I must admit feeling a small bit of petty, sadistic satisfaction. I was more interested, however, in finding out what my fellow citizens were doing about the problem.

I quickly found kindred spirits at www.lowertheboom.org. The site is dedicated to combating “boom cars” and providing support for victims of “acoustic terrorism.” It’s one of the most thorough sites I found at the forefront of the war on this particular form of terror. It has a wealth of information on the Nature of Noise including a downloadable copy of the U.S. Department of Justice Report on Car Stereos. Other resources on the site include a free, downloadable Community Awareness PowerPoint presentation that you can present to local law enforcement and your elected officials and tons of helpful links. There’s even a link to petition to Congress that you can sign sponsored by Citizens Against Audio Trespass. Just signing it made me feel better.

Another terrific site is www.noisefree.org. They focus on all types of noise pollution and have a fabulous Action Center with information on writing elected officials, sample complaint cards, downloadable flyers to distribute to neighbors, an Action Manual, success stories and more. There are various news reports, slideshows and videos addressing the problem. You can even find info on Quiet Products and buy Noise-Free.org t-shirts, bags and mugs. Check out their blog at NoiseTalk.com.

This initial research allowed me to return to my bed comforted by the knowledge that there are people out there who are fighting – and even winning - the war on these rude and inconsiderate people. I’m definitely joining the fight and will keep you posted on my plan of action and progress.

In the meantime, I’m purchasing a good pair ear plugs and encouraging my daughter to study Audiology in college. Surely, there will be an abundance of idiots with self-inflicted hearing problems to make it a lucrative career choice.

What do you think? Let me know your experiences with this particular act of random rudeness. What did you do?

Welcome to Random Rudeness and Other Unnecessary Behavior

This is the inaugural post of a blog that I hope will be therapeutic for myself and others who suffer the daily injustices of rude, unnecessary and ridiculous behavior. This blog was born at 2 a.m. after blaring Rap lyrics from a car passing my bedroom window jolted me awake (Is it illegal to shoot their rear windows out with a BB Gun?). It launched less than 24 hours after I was ripped off by a heating & cooling guy ($79 just to tell me it was broken. No shit! Why else would I be walking around my condo in a thong OD'ing on cheap popsicles?) My first post comes less than six months after being abruptly laid off after putting in a full day’s work at a job to which I had given years of my life's blood, copious amounts of sweat and literal tears. (I mean seriously, couldn't they have laid me off at 8:30 a.m. so I could have made it home in time for Oprah?)

This blog is for those - like me- who are fed up with neighbors, employers, co-workers, friends, family, businesses, politicians, celebrities, humans, animals and situations exhibiting randomly rude, unnecessary and ridiculous behavior. I want to write about the things I rant about behind the steering wheel of my car, in my living room, while watching the news, and to my family and friends. My goal, however, is not just to contribute more impotent rantings and ravings to the world, but to create a discourse and a forum for sharing coping mechanisms, information and a source of enlightenment for those who may not even realize they are being rude, unnecessary and ridiculous.

My grandma always says, "If people knew better, they would do better." I think she might have stolen that phrase from Maya Angelou or Oprah, but that doesn't make it less relevant or less true. Sometimes shining light on random rudeness and ridiculousness can plant the seeds for change. At least, that's my hope. I'm tired of being frustrated by unacceptable behavior. I'm sure I'm not the only one. So, I'd like to share my experiences and any information I can find on how to deal with the people and situations we face every day. I'd also like to hear other's experiences, comments, thoughts and advice.